I've been thinking a lot about the things that have changed since I got married. I am a lot happier about everything and more importantly I feel like a better person. Maybe feeling like a better person makes me more happy or maybe feeling happier makes me feel like a better person, its hard to tell.
I like to think that I am not an optimist nor a pessimist. I am a realist. In the argument over whether the cup is full or empty, I see it as someone is going to drink it in 5 minutes and you two won't have anything to quarrel about anymore. But rather than look at it negatively by saying "the water will be gone," my attitude has shifted to where I say "someone gets to have a drink of water." The helpful dictionary gadget on my computer says that realism is "the attitude or practice of accepting a situation as it is and being prepared to deal with it accordingly."
As a kid I always thought that being optimistic was the right way to live. I tried as hard as I could to think positively about things but because I don't have an innate optimistic personality, I would cover my true feelings with the "blanket" of what I was supposed to feel as an optimist. It really didn't work out for me because I felt like I was a bad person if I was unhappy with the way things were in my life. I don't think that optimistic people are bad, in fact I really like them. That's why I wanted to be one. But it hurt me to force myself to bury my problems so I could look at life in a positive way and so I abandoned my pursuit of optimism. I was really unhappy with my life for a long time. I told my mom once (at a very young age) that I wanted a new mom, "one who doesn't make chicken pot pie all the time." I was obsessed with the idea of a nicer car when I turned 16 and my parents gave me a car to drive and payed for the insurance to include me in their policy. When we got married, I wanted my husband to have a nice "cushy" job (one with decent pay, vacation, time and benefits). I also wanted a nicer apartment, one without mold or noisy upstairs neighbors. But I already had a wonderful mother, a good car, and Michael did have a part-time job in addition to our apartment. It just wasn't good enough for me.
Something has changed for me. It could be the increase in endorphins since I have been biking to most of the places that I need to go. Or perhaps I am just deliriously happy to have a kitty again. Whatever the reason, I am more satisfied with everything in my life. My mom is my hero and I hope I can be just like her someday. We have a car and I have the freedom to bike where I need to go when Michael needs the car for work. I have found that living on a budget can be fun because we have to work together to stretch the money to fill our expenses.
I accept my life the way it is in every aspect and I am prepared to deal with it accordingly because I am at the place that I need to be in my life.