I chose this program because it allowed me to start right away and get the education I want done as fast as I can. Even though I could have waited a few years and gotten into a fancier school, I feel really guilty about waiting to have kids until Michael and I are done with school. I feel like I am being disobedient and selfish and am not "straightway leaving my net" to follow the Savior and act on the promptings I have felt. I know that waiting is the most prudent option since Michael is having a hard enough time with his computer science degree without the extra stress and I would most certainly have to drop out and stop working, leaving Michael to provide solely, but I have wondered if I am risking my salvation in exchange for a degree. These feelings of worry and doubt have really pulled me down into a depressed fog.
Anyway, I love nursing school so far and I am so glad I got accepted and got to get started right away.
One of my favorite things that I've learned so far is a quote from my teacher. She told a story about a co-worker of hers who was called every name in the book and insulted by a guy in a meeting. After enduring over an hour of verbal abuse, the meeting was over and she got up and went back to work. My teacher who had been with her in the meeting asked her how she could let him say such awful things about her and be so calm. The nurse replied "it was never about me. It was all about him." I thought that was really powerful.
I learned in institute class today that no one can make you angry. You chose to react with anger, but the choice is yours. I have a hard time with that. Sometimes I get really angry with Michael over little things. He is the only person I really express anger to. He is the person I am closest to and I know he can do better and I see so much potential in him that when he lets me down it is really frustrating.
I am going to try harder to choose not to be angry. My friend has a great family rule: no yelling unless there is a fire." I love that. There really is no excuse to yell unless it is an emergency.
Last night Michael and I cut each others hair.
|Look at all of that hair!|
Well, enough pictures of my kitchen floor.
I love all of you, family and I miss you.