Thursday, October 11, 2012

Life Update #347... I think. I lost count!

I just got done with my fourth week of nursing school. I've discovered that this program is not very difficult, but there is an insane amount of busy work and it is difficult to stay on top of everything. I imagine that's what being a nurse will be like. It's probably not extremely difficult to put in an IV or pass a medication, but it will be hard to keep up on the needs of ten patients at once. I had my first exam yesterday and I have a lot less homework this week.
I chose this program because it allowed me to start right away and get the education I want done as fast as I can. Even though I could have waited a few years and gotten into a fancier school, I feel really guilty about waiting to have kids until Michael and I are done with school. I feel like I am being disobedient and selfish and am not "straightway leaving my net" to follow the Savior and act on the promptings I have felt. I know that waiting is the most prudent option since Michael is having a hard enough time with his computer science degree without the extra stress and I would most certainly have to drop out and stop working, leaving Michael to provide solely, but I have wondered if I am risking my salvation in exchange for a degree. These feelings of worry and doubt have really pulled me down into a depressed fog.
Anyway, I love nursing school so far and I am so glad I got accepted and got to get started right away.
One of my favorite things that I've learned so far is a quote from my teacher. She told a story about a co-worker of hers who was called every name in the book and insulted by a guy in a meeting. After enduring over an hour of verbal abuse, the meeting was over and she got up and went back to work. My teacher who had been with her in the meeting asked her how she could let him say such awful things about her and be so calm. The nurse replied "it was never about me. It was all about him." I thought that was really powerful.
I learned in institute class today that no one can make you angry. You chose to react with anger, but the choice is yours. I have a hard time with that. Sometimes I get really angry with Michael over little things. He is the only person I really express anger to. He is the person I am closest to and I know he can do better and I see so much potential in him that when he lets me down it is really frustrating.
I am going to try harder to choose not to be angry. My friend has a great family rule: no yelling unless there is a fire." I love that. There really is no excuse to yell unless it is an emergency.
Last night Michael and I cut each others hair. 
Look at all of that hair!
We can't afford a salon, but my split ends were starting to get split ends and Michael looked like Shaggy from Scooby Doo. Michael did a pretty decent job and I think I am getting really good at cutting Michael hair. I haven't dyed my hair since our wedding night and I'm just now starting to cut off the ends of red hair. It's grown so fast!
Well, enough pictures of my kitchen floor.

I love all of you, family and I miss you.


  1. Jessica, We are so very proud of you. Your self analysis takes a lot of humility. Keep up the excellent performance at school. You're a star in our universe. Grandpa

  2. Jessica, I love reading your blog. My vote is for you to become a writer. Maybe someday :) Good luck with your nursing studies.

  3. It is of course none of mine - or anyone's business when you start a family! But please know that you are not being disobedient or unfaithful to finish school first! I think you are at an unfair spot because family around you is having kids. I am 11 years older then you and R is 5 years older!! Of course you are at a different phase! We were all there - I was done with my degree and working before we jumped on the bandwagon. There is PLENTY of time!! You could of course do both school and kids at the same time - many people do - but that is a decision only you two can make - and don't let perceived pressure or perceived expectations be a part of that! Besides... if you had kids... who would babysit mine?? :) you are awesome!! Thanks for all you do for us!

  4. A degree isn't going to stand between you and salvation unless it leads you away from Christ. I think it's like Alzheimer- those that worry about it don't really have that problem.

  5. I don't know what is more selfless than a nursing career. It is truly the errand of angels. Plus it will bless your future family in many ways. I have a few friends with nursing careers, and one just went back to work temporarily because her husband is out of work.

    See it through, Jessica! You're doing the right thing. It's just hard to see the long term right now but you'll thank yourself a million times if you have a degree.