Sunday, March 21, 2010

Waking Up

I have always been a morning person. Something about the refreshing new start or the still, crisp air brings about an awakening not only of my physical body; my inner core is stirred. After being frustrated to tears by the mistakes yesterday I can get up and try again.
Parallel to waking up in the morning, my spirit is beginning to finally wake up.
It wasn't a dramatic, once in a lifetime spiritual experience like the ones I often hear in testimony meetings and in the scriptures. I was pondering events that are expected to unfold in the coming years such as college next year, my future job as in intensive care nurse, but the thoughts on one particular subject struck me the most: marriage. With weak faith in the church, I did not hope to marry in the church, let alone continue in my parent's footsteps as a fully pledged member. However, while pondering the concept I felt the need to read my patriarchal blessing. This I did and it opened the floodgates of uncontrollable tears and sobs. To paraphrase the portion of the document that had the impact on me, temple marriage and a family built on the principals of the church would bring me the greatest happiness and the greatest opportunity. Though I do not know what the greatest joy could be or what the opportunities are, deep down I knew that I had a testimony of my patriarchal blessing and of all of the teachings of the church. I knew that I could no longer deny my faith to myself and stumble with eyes covered in the dark places of the world. At times before I have criticized myself in the preexistence for choosing to come at this time in the history of the world. However, when my spirit finally arose from its dormant slumber I decided to take up the challenge and put on the full armor of God every day. One of the first things that I did was listen through an old tape with the soundtrack to Saturday's Warrior. That is my reason for creating this blog. I know that like waking up it will be great and fresh at first and then through trials and tests weaken as the night draws on. I hope to strengthen and renew my spiritual fortitude by writing about my experiences and hopes for the future. Also, I would encourage any and all who read this to share your experiences through the last days of the world if you have the desire.


  1. Lovely blog. Your music sure fits it.

    That's what Grandpa always used to tell the missionaries--just get up one more time than you fall down.

    I liked what you said about trials and tests weaken us as night draws on. A testimony is so fragile and needs nourishing!

    We're looking forward to your coming to live with us.

    Love, Grandma

  2. One of my favorites and on my playlist! And that's exactly who you are!

  3. Obedience brings happiness? Crazy, but it works. Go figure.

  4. This makes me think of an essay by C.S. Lewis, when he talks about being converted to Christianity, he said he felt "surprised by joy." There is an endless well of joy there for you, Jessica. It's a gift from God, and He wants you to have it.

    I love your blog! It reminds me of my own path to faith and happiness. My own awakening to joy. It is frustrating to realize that even when your heart changes, there are still challenges and set backs every single day. But that's what keeps us on our knees, I guess.

  5. I often feel that several small spiritual experiences can have more of an impact than one large one.